Happy new year to you all! May the start of the year welcome you with good things and blessings that will make you happy and healthy the whole year round!

¶ 10:32 AM //

If you ever ever ever ever ever
If you ever ever ever meet a whale
You must never never never never never
You must never never never touch its tail;
For if you ever ever ever ever ever,
If you ever ever ever touch its tail,
You will never never never never never
You will never never meet another whale.

¶ 9:50 AM //

Arthur with a lighted taper
Touched the fire to granpa's paper.
Grandpa leaped a foot or higher,
Dropped the sheet and shouted, "Fire!"
Arthur, wrapped in contemplation,
Viewed the scene of conflagration.
"This," he said, "confirms my notion-
Heat creates both light and motion."
---
Wee, experimental Nina
Dropped her mother's Dresden china
From a seventh-storey casement,
Smashing, crashing to the basement.
Nina, somewhat apprehensive,
Said, "This china is expensive,
Yet it proves by demonstration
Newton's law of gravitation."

¶ 8:52 AM //

And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should deliver.

And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them; and they were so afraid.

And the angel said unto them, "Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people."

"For unto you is born in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord."

"And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger."

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill towards men."

And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, "Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known to us."

And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

- Luke 2:6-16

¶ 9:15 AM //

Kissing under the mistletoe is an old Christmas custom. But oh, dear - the word mistletoe combines two words meaning "dung" and "twig", and the mistletoe was first believed to spring from the droppings of birds. It is something to bear in mind the next time you see somebody waiting, with puckered lips, to be kissed beneath the mistletoe.

¶ 8:59 AM //

Christmas is recognized even by people who are not Christians. The Communists who run Czechoslovakia, for instance, despise all religions; but Christmas is still a legal holiday there. Sometimes the Communist officials in Czechoslovakia appear to be confused about how Christmas fits into the days of the week. One year they released these holiday instructions to the workers:

Because Christmas Eve will fall on a Thursday, that day will be considered a Saturday for work purposes. Factories will be closed all day, although stores will remain closed a half day only. Friday, December 25, will be considered a Sunday, with both factories and stores open all day. Monday, December 28, will be a Wednesday for work purposes. Wednesday will be a business Friday. Saturday will be a Sunday, and Sunday will be a Monday.

¶ 11:20 AM //

This is one of my MOST favorite songs. It's by Kym Marsh, I love her.
Just click Play below to listen to it.



I am stronger than I was
Back when you took me on,
I know just where I stand.
I've been searching for a sign,
To tell me that its time
And now I understand.

Everything falls into place
These will be my shiny days
Just as I was falling, Just as I was falling.

I'm still standing tall, I will not fall
Back against the wall
I will survive it all oh
I'm still standing tall, won't ever fall
Live through it all, I'll be standing.

If I had another day, before I go away,
I'd spend it here with you
But I hear something out there some where
Telling me where to come where every dream comes true.

Everything falls into place
These will be my shiny days
I can here it coming, I can here it coming.

I'm still standing tall, I will not fall
Back against the wall
I will survive it all oh
I'm still standing tall, won't ever fall
Live through it all, I'll be standing.

I can see everything so clearly
This is what I had planned
(This is what I had planned)
The self control that I love so dearly
Is telling me just where I stand

(I'll be standing tall.)
I'm still standing tall, I will not fall
(I will not fall)
Back against the wall
(Against the wall)
I will survive it all oh
I'm still standing tall, (standing)
won't ever fall ( I will not fall)
Live through it all, I'll be standing.
(I'll be standing tall.)

I'm still standing tall, I will not fall
(I will not fall)
Back against the wall
(Against the wall)
I will survive it on my own
(I'm still standing tall)
I'm still standing tall,
Won't ever fall
(Won't not fall)
Live through it all, I'll be standing.
I'm still standing tall.

¶ 9:55 AM //

A paradox is a statement that seems contradictory, but may be true. These are paradoxes:

* To walk down the street is to walk up the street.
* Since the hour hand is the first hand on a clock, and the minute hand is the second hand, the second hand is the third hand.
* To fill out a form is to fill it in.
* A near miss is a near hit.
* A boxing ring is square.
* A slim chance is the same as a fat chance.
* A lift can take you a long way down.

¶ 9:09 AM //

O, MLE, what XTC
1 MN8 when UIC!
I used to rave of LN's II,
4 LC I gave countless sighs;
4 KT, and for LNR
I was a keen competitor;
But each now's a non-NTT,
4 UXL them all U C.
- Louise J. Walker

¶ 5:03 PM //

You Are "Wow"!

¶ 10:08 AM //

1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

¶ 9:40 AM //

Hover your mouse cursor over the images to see the story.

¶ 1:49 PM //

¶ 10:37 AM //

Speak gently to the herring and kindly to the calf,
Be blithesome with the bunny, at barnacles don't laugh!
Give nuts unto the monkey, and buns unto the bear,
Ne'er hint at currant jelly if you chance to see a hare!
Oh, little girls, pray hide your combs when tortoises draw nigh,
And never in the hearing of a pigeon whisper pie!
But give the stranded jellyfish a shove into the sea—
Be always kind to animals wherever you may be!



Be lenient with lobsters, and ever kind to crabs,
And be not disrespectful to cuttlefish or dabs;
Chase not the Cochin China, chaff not the ox obese,
And babble not of feather beds in company with geese.
Be tender with the tadpole, and let the limpet thrive,
Be merciful to mussels, don't skin your eels alive;
When talking to a turtle don't mention calipee—
Be alway kind to animals wherever you may be.
- J. Ashby-Sterry

¶ 9:37 AM //

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can. War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace. You are a good mediator and a true negotiator. Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy. While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental. You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take. On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit. You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

¶ 3:03 PM //

Come let us walk
In the land of Silly,
Where we can talk
In Picalilli:
Molly-coddle, spick-and-span,
Helter-skelter, catamaran,
Willy-nilly,
Daffy-dilly,
That's how we'll talk
In the land of Silly.

¶ 10:36 AM //

Sugar and spice and all things nice—that's what little girls are made of.

Well, says John Schell in Reader's Digest, sugar anyhow. A girl is also made of enough chlorine to disinfect five swimming pools; 38.5 kilos of oxygen; 57 grams of salt; 47 liters of water; 1.3 kilos of calcium; 10.8 kilos of carbon; enough phosphorus for ten bars of soap; enough iron to make a large nail; enough sulfur to rid a dog of fleas; and enough glycerine to explode an artillery shell.

But Mr. Schell found no spice at all.
(How much did the little girl weigh, do you suppose?)

¶ 10:25 AM //

¶ 1:58 PM //

I'm thinking of putting up a photo blog... Whachutink guys???

¶ 1:24 PM //

A man wrote a letter asking a pet store for two mongooses. But the word did not look right, so he changed it to two mongeese. That did not look right either, so he wrote, "Please send me one mongoose. And while you're at it, send me another one."

If the plural of mongoose is hard to remember, the names that distinguish the young of one kind of animal from the young of another kind are even harder:

ANIMAL OFFSPRING

A cow has a calf, but the calf of a mare
Is a colt, and a cub is the colt of a bear;
A fawn is the cub of a deer, while the fawn
Of a beaver's a kitten, and, carrying on,
The kit of a sheep is a lamb, and the lamb
Of a wolf is a whelp, while the whelp of madame
Is a babe, and the babe of a dog is a pup,
And I thought for a while whis would wind the thing up,
But the pup of a goat is a kid, and, Mon Dieu!
A joey's the kid of a kang-kang-garoo.

¶ 10:04 AM //

The nose of Tante Rose is supreme—
Her sneezes start earthquakes in Nimes.
Her friends and her foes
Rent the bridge of her nose
When they need to cross over a stream.
---
Douglas MacPherson MacPhee
Is an elegant sight on TV.
Once I happened to meet
Him crossing the street—
He looked just as common as me.

¶ 8:35 AM //

Little Willie was constantly involved in disasters so very gory that verses written about them seem funny instead of horrible. "Sick" verses like the two below are called Little Willies even when Little Willie does not appear in them.

Willie built a guillotine,
Tried it out on sister Jean.
Said mother as she got the mop,
"These messy games have got to stop!"
---
Father heard his children scream,
So he threw them in the stream,
Saying, as he drowned the third,
"Children should be seen, not heard!"
---
Willie poisoned his father's tea;
Father died in agony.
Mother came, and looked quite vexed;
"Really, Will," she said, "what next?"
---
Making toast at the fireside
Nurse fell in the grate and died.
But what makes it ten times worse,
All the toast was burnt with Nurse.

¶ 1:04 PM //

Little Audrey is the girl who just laughed and laughed as disaster struck her family, her friends, and herself. She was regularly killed, only to appear as lively as ever in another Little Audrey story:

Once upon a time little Audrey got lost on a desert island. Along came a big bunch of fierce cannibals and kidnapped her. They tied her up to a tree and started their pot boiling. Little Audrey knew they were going to make stew of her; so she looked around at those lean, hungry cannibals and counted them. There were nineteen. Little Audrey just laughed and laughed 'cause she knew she was not big enough to make enough stew to go around.
---
One day Little Audrey was standing on the corner just acrying and acrying, when along came a cop who said, "Little Audrey, why are you crying?" And Little Audrey said, "Oh, I've lost my Papa!" The cop said, "Why, Little Audrey, I wouldn't cry about that. There's your papa right across the street, leaning against that bank building." Little Audrey was overjoyed; without even looking at the traffic she started across the street. Along came a big two-ton truck that ran over Little Audrey and killed her dead. The cop just laughed and laughed. He knew all the time that that was not Little Audrey's papa leaning against the bank building.
---
One day Little Audrey was playing with matches. Her mama said, "Ummm, you better not do that." But Little Audrey was awfully disobedient; she kept right on playing with matches, and after a while she set the house on fire, and it burned right down to the ground. Mama and Little Audrey were looking at the ashes, and mama said, "Uh huh, I told you so! Now, young lady, just wait until your papa comes homes. You certainly will catch it!" Little Audrey just laughed and laughed. She knew all the time that papa had come home an hour early and had gone to bed to take a nap.

¶ 1:19 PM //

The fourth Sunday before Christmas is the beginning of Advent for Christians. Many fast and pray during these four weeks.

On a dark and wintry night, nearly 1,200 years ago, Winfred, the Englishman, strode into a large clearing, deep in a forest in Northern Germany. Gathered in the clearing were tribesmen who worshipped nature and made human sacrifices at the foot of a giant oak called the Blood Oak. Their high priest was holding a young boy whom he was about to sacrifice to the Norse god Thor.

As the high priest raised his stone hammer to strike, Winfred rushed across the clearing and intercepted the blow with his staff. Then, before the astonished eyes of the tribesmen, he drew forth a wooden cross and touched the giant tree. Instantly the Blood Oak split in two and crashed to the ground.

Just behind the fallen oak stood a young fir tree, pointing towards the heavens. "This little evergreen shall be your holy tree tonight," Winfred told them. "It is a sign of endless life, for its leaves are always green."

Then he told them of the birth of the Baby Jesus in Bethlehem and of the gift of love and mercy which Christ brought to all mankind.

And all who listened were filled with awe and wonder. They called the evergreen "the tree of the Christ Child" and hung gifts upon its branches. And the light of the moon made the tree sparkle until it seemed to be tangled full of stars. And hymns of thanks were sung for the Babe of Bethlehem.

¶ 11:59 AM //

December is the twelfth and final month of the Gregorian calendar and the
first month of winter. It derives it's name from the Latin word decem, meaning
ten, as December was the tenth month of the oldest Roman calendar. The
Latin name is derived from Decima, the middle Goddess of the Three Fates
who personifies the present.

¶ 1:10 PM //